Game of Thrones, Season 5, Episode 42, The House of Black and White, or...
Facebook has been adding the On This Day feature to my feed lately, which is occasionally funny. This morning it burped up this gem from four years ago: “Watched Game of Thrones. Never read the books,...
View ArticleGame of Thrones, Season 5, Episode 43: High Sparrow, or I am Nobody, Who Are...
We open our new episode of Game of Thrones in the dark stony confines of Project Mayhem, where a girl is doing the novice’s duty of pointlessly sweeping floors until she’s about to lose her shit. A man...
View ArticleGame of Thrones, Season 5, Episode 44: Sons of the Harpy, or I Hate to Say I...
Our new episode of Game of Thrones begins with the next stage of Tyrion’s journey, which involves Jorah dry-gulching some poor fisherman and stealing his livelihood (nice tip). Jorah’s a prick and is...
View ArticleGame of Thrones, Season 5, Episode 45: Kill the Boy, or Else
I’ll have you ingrates know that I am ignoring the 3rd period of a very close and crucial semi-final hockey game so I can recap this god damned nonsense for you in real time. I only mention this...
View ArticleGame of Thrones, Season 5, Episode 46: Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken, or No Plan...
We open in the corpse-washing station at Project Mayhem, where Arya is getting good at her job. Enough so to get bored with it and start issuing demands. She wants to play the game again, and her mean...
View ArticleGame of Thrones, Season 5, Episode 47: The Gift, or Gift Also Means Poison
Mother of shit, last week’s episode of HBO’s Game of Thrones was heinous. I’d rather have a pig fart in my mouth than watch that again. Luckily we have this week’s episode to enjoy. In the...
View ArticleGame of Thrones, Season 5, Episode 48: Hardhome, or Belief is the Death of...
Our new episode of HBO’s Game of Thrones begins on a very tense note, with Dany in a frosty mood, looking down from on high at two stinking pit slaves. Once she shuts Jorah down, it’s time for Tyrion...
View ArticleGame of Thrones, Season 5, Episode 49: Dance of Dragons, or Eloquent Men and...
Our penultimate episode for this season of HBO’s Game of Thrones begins with a sneaky bastard fire arrow attack on Stannis’ camp. While the survivors are probably grateful for the warmth, and the horse...
View ArticleGame of Thrones, Season 5, Episode 50: Mother’s Mercy, or I’m Glad the End of...
If our editor is set in her opinion and unwavering, this is my last recap of HBO’s Game of Thrones. I understand her revulsion and unwillingness to be a part of the media machinery that makes this show...
View ArticleGame of Thrones, Season 6, Episode 51: The Red Woman, or Fuck Prophecy
Our sixth season of HBO’s Game of Thrones begins with a slow drone shot leading us to the abandoned corpse of Lord Commander Snowbastard on his deathbed of blood slush. Ghost is howling balls in the...
View ArticleGame of Thrones, Season 6, Episode 52: Home, or Guess Who’s Back in Town Again
Our sixth season of HBO’s Game of Thrones continues with Max Von Sydow and Bran stoned out of their eyeballs in the root cellar opium den. Bran is dreaming an episode of Winterfell Babies. And WYLIS!...
View ArticleGame of Thrones, Season 6, Episode 53: Oathbreaker, or Now Go Fail Again
Our third fresh episode of HBO’s Game of Thrones begins with some heavy breathing in the dark, as Dead Snow rises. Death suits him; except for the stab wounds, dude’s bod is seriously on point. The...
View ArticleGame of Thrones, Season 6, Episode 54: Book of the Stranger, or Come and See
Our fourth episode of HBO’s Game of Thrones begins with a living man bitching about being murdered, and by god the first scene with two living Starks in frame since Tonks and Rickon took off. Noted:...
View ArticleGame of Thrones, Season 6, Episode 55: The Door, or Time is a Flat Circle
Our latest episode of HBO’s Game of Thrones begins Sansa back at her needlework, just like the first time we laid eyes on her. This is not, however, the same Sansa that left Winterfell in season 1, as...
View ArticleGame of Thrones, Season 6, Episode 56: Blood of My Blood, or It’s Time to Hit...
Noted: the theme for this season of HBO’s Game of Thrones appears to be “Now Under New Management”. We have a new Lord of Winterfell, new King on the Salt Throne, new Great Khaleesi of the Dothraki,...
View ArticleGame of Thrones, Season 6, Episode 57: The Broken Man, or Drink the God...
Our fancy new episode of HBO’s Game of Thrones begins with a good old fashioned barn raising, I think. And Septon Al Swearengen! And the HOUND! You fucked up there, Arry. (Was that the first...
View ArticleGame of Thrones, Season 6, Episode 58: No One, or My Name is My Name
Quick Reader Question: Why do you call Littlefinger “Scratchy the Pimp”? A: Sometime around the second season, Aidan Gillen started voicing Baelish in something closer to his native Irish accent, and...
View ArticleGame of Thrones, Season 6, Episode 59: Battle of the Bastards, or The...
Our penultimate episode of HBO’s Game of Thrones begins with Tyrion desperately spewing his talking points about Mereen being a city on the rise. It’s a new day in Mereen. Dany looks on with a mixture...
View ArticleGame of Thrones, Season 6, Episode 60: Winds of Winter, or The Starks are...
Our finale episode of HBO’s Game of Thrones begins with a granite-faced Cersei surveying the city, looking like Bruce Lee sizing up an opponent he considers beneath him. And Tommen, Marge and the HS...
View ArticleGame of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 61: Dragonstone, or Be a Good Lad, Clean...
Our long-awaited first episode of HBO’s Game of Thrones season 7 begins with the repellent Walder Frey apparently alive and well, regaling guests and proposing toasts. We of course know what is up...
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